Before I had a kid I taught little guys. As an outsider I observed that some mums were cooler than others; some mums were in little cliques and others were not. Naively from the outside it seemed like everyone kind of fell in with similar types and things were symbiotic and happy enough. Imagine my surprise when after having a little guy of my own I learned what a cold hard place the world of motherhood is. How hard it can be for some to find their way. It is an experience more like junior high and high school than any other I have ever experienced. I mean by now I've learned life is often just high school rules in a larger arena; but story time, the playground ? Really?
Now its not like this for everyone. I mean, obviously, the popular moms don't suffer this plight. But talking to others and observing I have found it to be the plight of many. With that I will add that I suffer in this circumstance since I hover in the realm my sister coined as "a little too hip". Does this mean I am uber cool, fashionable in all the right ways- No. I am decidedly uncool by most standards. It does mean in our little suburban enclave I am an outsider in maternity skinny jeans (getting ever tighter and more inappropriate as the time ticks by) among mom jeans and sweatshirts with slogans I don't understand. Oh and scrunchies I have been noticing a lot of scrunchies lately. I don't mean to be harsh but this is the reality. These women take one look and decide we are not suited for each other. Though its probably true it does not stop me from always (pointlessly) trying to strike up a conversation. My feeling is what do I care about your aesthetic if our kids kind of like each other? Don't get me wrong I've met lots of really nice mom types of all shapes, sizes and styles who are friendly.
But now heres the real rub- it works the other way too. So finally some mums with similar tastes arrive somewhere we frequent (we all know you judge a book by its cover). And instead of open arms we are met with same suspicion and in some cases outward disdain as we are by the mom jean crowd. I find it difficult, this nowhere place in mom-land. Honestly I've yet to meet one that is as cool as some of them think they are. And I ask you what is with these mums?
How interesting! I know exactly what you mean about this new realm of life. It is like starting over again in the friend game, unless all your previous friends had babies at the same time you did. Regardless, I find it hard to find a good fit of moms and kids. Adding kids to the mix is a whole new can o' worms.
Annie
Posted by: Annie | 05/07/2010 at 03:19 PM
I am one of those people that was the first of my friends to marry and have kids and I wasn't that young when it happened either. Needless to say those life changes were hard on most friendships (especially with the unattached over 30 girls). It is like staring all over! Thanks for stopping by Annie!
Posted by: Sarah | 05/07/2010 at 06:52 PM
I just came across you blog - it's really lovely.
I laughed out loud at parts of your post. Isn't it so true? I mean, I thought becoming a mum would put me in a position to connect with lots of other mums. Um...so...where are they? I guess they are there, but they aren't people I want to spend my limited time with. I'm lucky to have a few mums in my life that I also consider friends. But I think, in all honesty, it's because we have kids. Luckily though, despite the kids, we get along.
I could also relate to your comment above. We were the first to have a baby in our group of friends too and, well, we don't hang out with those friends anymore. They didn't get it. Not to mention that we parent in a completely different way than anyone else they knew. They accused us of "losing ourselves in our child." Woo...don't get me started. :) Nice to have found you. I look forward to reading more. -Debbie
Posted by: Debbie | 05/10/2010 at 04:24 PM